What's up with Bob Costas' hair?

Have you been watching the Olympics over last few days and noticed there's something not quite right about anchor Bob Costas' hair? We here at The Bitter Producer did as well and decided to take action. We sent some recent footage of Mr. Costas to the nation's top dermatologists at Johns Hopkins University for some analysis. After much study and debate, the doctors have come up with three possible theories. Here they are in no particular order...

a) Our eyes are not used to seeing Bob in glorious High Def and it's distorting our image of him
a) Bob has begun dying his gray hair a very dark shade of shoe polish black
c) A small woodland creature has taken up residence on top of his head

"Wanted" tops summer movie poll

The Angelina Jolie / James McAvoy thriller, "Wanted" was voted Best Summer Movie by the staff of The Bitter Producer. If you haven't seen "Wanted," it can best be described as "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" meets "The Matrix" meets "The Bourne Identity."

The movie itself has the three essential elements needed to ensure box office success... Guns, car chases and Morgan Freeman.

Rounding out the top three Best Summer Movies was the upcoming "Batman: The Dark Knight," followed by "Robert Downey, Jr.'s "Iron Man."

BAT TRIVIA

Did you know that the original and still the best "Joker," Cesar Romero (sorry Jack and Heath) refused to shave off his trademark mustache when playing the clown prince of crime on TV"s "Batman." To avoid a crisis, the producers decided to paint the white makeup over it. If you look closely, you can still see the stache.

HOLY PRESS SCREENING BATMAN!

I got invited to a press screening of the new Batman movie in IMAX last night and all I have to say is "WOW!" Heath Ledger totally lives up to the hype. His portrayal of Joker rocks and is a shoe-in for an Oscar nomination -- Too bad he's not around to enjoy what would have been the biggest role of his career.

Still more mid-week ramblings...

It's my two cents...

* Why isn't TV's "Batman" (1966-1968) available on DVD?

* Call me crazy, but I still think the only true "Batman" is Adam West.

* Wouldn't you love to watch Keith Olbermann and Bill O'Reilly go at in a cage match?

* George Carlin's "Rufus" was the glue that held the "Bill & Ted" movies together.

* Enough already with Mario Lopez -- He's making Ryan Seacrest look underexposed.

* There's no greater pleasure then waking up to a stack of blueberry pancakes.

* Yes, I'm one of the few people who actually enjoyed "The Happening." Sue me!

* I'm not impressed with the new "Million Dollar Password." The classic version was much more fun. I loved when the host gave the contestants a wallet containing the secret password.

* I don't think the sculpted cakes on Food Network's "Ace of Cakes" look every edible.

EW's New Classic Movie List Sucks!

I just finished checking out Entertainment Weekly's "New Classics of the Past 25 Years" issue and I'm still in a state of shock.

I can't believe what titles were placed on their Top 25 movie list...and more importantly, what films were left off. They actually chose "Pulp Fiction" as the top film of the past 25 years -- Puleeeease! Where was "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan? "The Shawshank Redemption?" "Rocky 3?"

All I can say is the folks at EW magazine have lost some major street cred.

Here are their Top 25 New Movie Classics (with my added commentary)...

25. Shrek - A fine CGI cartoon, but not top 25.
24. A Room With a View" - I checked out. Did anybody see this?
23. Momento - I'd rather see Burt Reynold's "Stroker Ace"
22. Rushmore - In no rushmore to see this artsy-fartsy flop. Ha!
21. Schindler's List - Filmmaking at it's best.
20. The Lion King - Come on, this is not the Top 25 kiddie movies.
19. Casino Royale - Good, but Daniel Craig is no Sean Connery (or Roger Moore).
18. Do the Right Thing - A decent film about a difficult subject.
17. Jerry Maguire - Bleah! Tom Cruise and Jonathan Lipnicki - Nuff said.
16. Boogie Nights - Phillip Seymore Hoffman + Burt Reynolds = Great movie.
15. Edward Scissorhands - I liked "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" much better
14. Crumb - I've never even heard of this.
13. Goodfellas - Should be in the Top 3.
12. Matrix - Awesome flick, even the Oracle agrees.
11. This is Spinal Tap - I fell asleep watching this.
10. Moulin Rouge - Where's the clicker?
9. Die Hard - Yippee-Ki-yay!
8. The Silence of the Lambs - Love Foster and Hopkins.
7. Hannah and Her Sisters - I like Woody Allen and Michael Caine, but number 7?
6. Saving Private Ryan - Solid flick, no arguments
5. Toy Story - This belongs at #15, not #5.
4. Blue Velvet - This pick should be tried as a crime against humanity.
3. Titanic - Yes, I cried when Grandma tossed her neckless into the water, so what?
2. Lord of the Rings Trilogy - The only one they got right.
1. Pulp Fiction - A great film, but the best of the past 25 years? Me thinks not!

"I see lots of dead people"

Hey gang, just caught M. Night Shyamalan latest, "The Happening," and guess what... I really liked it. Call me crazy, but I'm disagreeing with the nation's movie critics and recommending this movie to all my readers.

If you're a fan of the old 'Twilight Zone," you'll dig this flick. In a nutshell, "The Happening" is about a family (led by Marky Mark) on the run from a natural crisis that presents a large-scale threat to humanity.

Was it perfect? No. Did it have moments of unintentional laugher? Yes (see scene where lions attack a man at the zoo). But it also had me on the edge of my seat from beginning to end.

So ignore the critics and run to the nearest mulitplex. Thank me later.

-The Bitter Producer

Ashton Banner

Is it just me or does Ashton Kutcher resemble the new Hulk?

Marlee Matlin is Alice Nelson

Oscar winner and former "Dancing With The Stars" contestant, Marlee Matlin announced today that she is in fact Alice from "The Brady Bunch." Matlin was quoted in a USA TODAY story about her new memoir, "I'll Scream Later."

"As a young girl, I imagined myself as Marcia Brady who just happened to be deaf, but today as a mom of four, I'm no longer Marcia. I've morphed into Alice the maid."
-Marlee Matlin

And no, I'm not making this up... Honest!

Just Asking...

* Is there a zanier character on TV then "The Brady Bunch's" Alice?

* I wonder what the "B" in Ann B. Davis stands for?

* Why isn't Alice Cooper in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame but Madonna is?

* What happened to the character of "Sallah" (John Rhys-Davies) in the new Indian Jones movie?

* Am I the only one who's not excited about the new "Hulk" remake?

* What's so historic about History Channel's "Ice Road Truckers?"

* Is it just me or does CBS' new "Password" look a lot like ABC's old "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" The password is "copy."

* I wonder what Kenny Chesney looks like underneath his giant hat?

* Does anyone care about Tony Danza anymore?

"You chose... wisely"

I just rented the DVD of "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" and all I have to say is "Wow!"

I had not seen this installment of the Indiana Jones saga in over ten years and watching it in HD was like seeing it again for the first time.

And of course being a bitter producer, I had to compare it to the recent "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" and the results weren't pretty. Bascically there is no comparison, "Last Crusade" is like "Citizen Kane" to "Skull's" "Smokey & the Bandit part 3."

"Last Crusade" had everything one could want in an Indiana Jones movie; intrigue, exotic locales, realistic action sequences and yes, it even had sex. Can you imagine both Indy and his father (Sean Connery) getting down with the same woman in the childish "Crystal Skull?" I think not.

So to make sure Spielberg and Lucas don't screw up the next Indiana Jones sequel, I put together a short list of elements they need to include...

1) A believable script with adult themes and situations (i.e. no CGI gofers and monkeys).
2) Great characters (I.e. Henry Jones, Sr., Sallah, Elsa Schneider and Marcus Brody)
3) Evil villians (like Walter Donovan and Col. Vogel -- not Cate Blanchette's cartoony Col. Spalko)
4) A cool ending (i.e. the Holy Grail and a 700 year old knight, not a bunch of skeletal aliens in a CGI space ship).
5) And most of all, no Mutt Williams (sorry Shia, you were the worst part of "Crystal Skull").

Say cheese!

I just returned from seeing "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" and the best word to describe my feelings right now is.... disappointed.

After waiting 19 years for this "Indy" sequel, I thought Spielberg and Lucas would have produced a masterpiece on the level of "The Empire Strikes Back" or "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn" -- Instead what I got was a ridiculous plot, cheesy CGI effects and a script written for an 8-year-old (I won't even mention the gofers). It's funny, I had the exact same experience after seeing "Star Wars: Episode 1" (also produced by George Lucas).

Disappointment #2 -- The movie's new character, "Mutt Williams" (a cross between Justin Long in "Die Hard 4" and Fonzie from "Happy Days") played by Shia LaBeouf.

It's obvious Lucas wants Shia to take over the franchise from Harrison Ford (who's now a senior citizen). To make matters worse, he tries to sell us on "Mutt" using that old movie cliche, "Oh by the way, the character who's been giving you a hard time for most of the film is actually your son" -- Hmmm where have we seen that before?

That all said, I still enjoyed "Indy 4" on some level, I just haven't figured out which one yet.

OMG it's June already!

Hey kids, I was surfing on youtube this morning and came across this new video from Kid Rock. It has everything a great video needs -- a catchy song, motor boats and hot chicks. Enjoy!

Help! I'm "Lost"

Like many of my fellow Losties, I came away from Thursday's "Lost" finale with more questions then answers. And since I have this groovy new blog, I thought I'd share a few...

* Why does Ben still move the island even after he's killed all of Widmore's commandos?

* How did Jin manage to learn english is just a couple of months despite the lack of classes, books or Berlitz tapes?

* Whatever happened to the Darma Initiative's zoo?

* Did the helicopter really save that much more fuel when Sawyer made his selfless love leap into the ocean?

* Why is Claire a ghost -- She was never killed?

* Is there a dinosaur on the island or did the smoke monster knock down all those trees in season one?

* When the helicopter was taking off from the freighter, why didn't the ship's crew members try to jump on?

* When Jack and Freckles were at the airfield in the flash forward -- Why did they both refer to Locke as Jeremy Betham even though they were alone with each other?

* Do the island's magical powers include keeping Jack's facial stubble at the same length for months at a time?


ANY ANSWERS OR THEORIES WILL BE APPRECIATED -- THANK YOU!

Celebrity Deaths -- They always comes in threes

I just heard the tragic news that "Carol Burnett Show" star Harvey Korman has died. I'm totally crushed. He was one of my all-time favorite comic actors.

It's been a shitty week for TV and movie fans... First "Laugh-In" star Dick Martin was taken from us, then movie director/actor Sydney Pollack and now Harvey Korman. And to top it all off today is the opening day of "Sex and the City."

Harvey Korman was brilliant in almost every role he took on, everything from "Blazing Saddles" to his guest spots on "The Munsters." He even shined in that turd of all turds, "The Star Wars Christmas Special." Harvey played an alien in the Cantina. Check out this absurd clip where Harvey orders a drink from the bartender played by "Golden Girl" Bea Arthur -- You can't make this stuff up!



Korman fact: He was the voice of the Great Gazoo on "The Flintstones"

Here are some new mid-week ramblings...

(Note: They're both carrying backpacks)

It's my two cents...

* Wouldn't you love to see a battle to the death between the Dell Dude and the Mac Guy?

* What's the deal with "American Idol" winner David Cook's hair?

* I saw "The Great Escape" on AMC the other night -- Awesome flick! Now I know why everyone was so gaga for Steve McQueen.

* "Password" is coming back for the umpteenth time with Regis as host. It's totally unoriginal, but should do well nonetheless.

* Those freecreditreport.com commericals are totally overplayed... but I still catch myself singing along.

* Did you ever notice how all the network morning news programs are exactly the same?

* I wonder whatever happened to that Swedish pop group Roxette?

* No matter how hard I try to like him, I still can't stand Howie Mandel.

* How come when somebody quits a job they always send out a mass email stating "you've all been like family to me," -- then you never hear from them again?

* Firing Jay Leno (who's in first place) to make room for Conan O'Brien has to be one of the dumbest business decisions in recent memory. Ironically, it reminds me of when Jay Leno's manager got NBC to prematurely push Johnny Carson out the door.

* The CW is bringing back "Beverly Hills 90210." What's next... "Silver Spoons: The Next Generation?"

* When it comes to frozen pizza, Mamma Celeste can't be beat.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssss?

Here's a clip you've probably never seen before. It's from "The Jack Benny Show," a TV series popular back in the 1950s. In this scene Jack's on a shopping trip and runs into "The Yes Guy" (Frank Nelson). Check it out. I dare you not to laugh! :D

Note: "The Simpsons" created a character inspired by Frank Nelson. Not surprisingly, they named him "The Yes Guy."

Jumping the Shark!

You've all probably heard the phrase, "Jump the Shark." well if you haven't, it refers to the exact moment when a successful TV series starts to go bad.

It all started on the 70s series "Happy Days," when the Fonz jumped over a shark on water skiis. Yes, he wore his trademark leather jacket in the water. Ugh!

Here is that moment in all its youtube glory. Check it out!

It's D-Day!!!

65-year old Harrison Ford dons his Fedora one more time for "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull."  The Fourth movie in the series unspools in thousands of theaters around the world today.  Reveiws have been mixed, but not bad enough to prevent moviegoers (like me) from shelling out their ten bucks.  Here's what my favorite critic had to say...

"If you liked the other Indiana Jones movies, you will like this one, and that if you did not, there is no talking to you." -- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Mutt LaBeouf

Yes, it's official, Shia LaBeouf's name in the new "Indiana Jones" sequel is "Mutt Williams." "Mutt" joins a long line of unique character names that the young actor has adopted.  

To prove this point, we've come up with a lame "match the Shia character with the movie" game.  Good Luck!

CHARACTER:                            MOVIE:

1) Sam Witwicky                        a) I, Robot

2) Farber                                  b) Disturbia

3) Stanely Yelnats                      c) Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle

4) Max                                      d) Transformers

5) Kelly Ernswiler                      e) The Battle of Shaker heights

6) Cody Maverick                        f) Holes

7) Kale Brecht                           g) Surf's Up

Answers: 1-d, 2-a, 3-f, 4-c, 5-e, 6-g, 7-b

"Prince Caspian" - The magic is gone

(Above photo:  The young stars of "Narnia" search in vain for a better script)

Just got home from seeing "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian" and I'm going to give it a reluctant thumbs up.  While it's a decent film, it just just didn't hold up to the original ("The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe").   I also missed the character of the "White Witch" played to perfection by Oscar winner Tilda Swinton  (Although she does make an all-too-brief CGI cameo).  More later.

Does the new Indy suck?

This is a photo of Harrison Ford and Shia LaBeouf high-tailing it out of Cannes as a mob of angry French filmgoers give chase.  The near riot occurred following the premiere  of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" at the Cannes International Film Festival.

Actually it's just a still from the film, but early internet reviews have not been kind to the fourth "Indy" installment from producer George Lucas and Director Steven Spielberg.               

On Aintitcoolnews.com, A movie exec who calls himself ShogunMaster wrote this after attending an early screening... 

"This is the Indiana movie that you were dreading.  During the whole movie there was not a single moment that I thought our hero Mr. Jones was in any sort of peril or even significant inconvenience."  

Let's all hope the ShogunMaster is wrong, but I have a feeling he's not.  After all, George Lucas did bring us the dreaded "Star Wars Christmas Special," "Howard the Duck" and "Star Wars: Episodes 1-3.  Nuff said.

From the better late then never department...

Attention Trekkers:  Now you can finally see what would happen if Admiral Kirk and Khan had the chance to meet in person with these new "Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan" action figures (*available at a comic book store near you). 

Imagine all the fun you'll have as you beam your little collectible Kirk aboard Khan's hijacked USS Reliant (or a Nike shoe box) and let them go at it.  No more space transmissions for these two mortal enemies --it's the battle royal we've all been waiting for.

Warning: Like in the movie, Khan's pecs are made of plastic.

Jack Black: No longer cool

Yes, the rumors are true... popular actor Jack Black is no longer considered cool.  After starring in a string of bad movies and hosting Nickelodeon's "Kids Choice Awards," the former "School of Rock" star just couldn't hold out any longer.  Black finally succumbed to the unforgiving forces of lameness while promoting his new sell-out cartoon, "Kung Fu Panda" at the Cannes Film Festival.  

Exhibit A: The video below.  "I rest my case." 

Bonjour Woody et Scarlett

The Cannes Film Festival started today, so to celebrate I thought I'd share some random brain turds...

*  I hear "Kung Fu Panda" is premiering at Cannes... Can a film festival Jump the Shark?

*  Do you think Shia LaBeouf is staying at the same hotel as Harrison Ford?

*  Is it just me or does it seem that everyone in Hollywood is close friends with Harvey Weinstein?  

*  The big award at the Cannes Fest is the Palme d'Or.  I bet not too many people know the english translation -- "The Golden Palm."

*  On "Three's Company," Mr. Furley went to a French restaurant and wanted to order escargot (snails) -- He asked for "s -car-gots."  They used that joke in two different episodes.

*  I went to the South of France once... I felt like a nerdy version of  James Bond.  

*  I ordered pizza tonight and asked for light cheese... as usual, they ignored me.

Iron Man, Iron Man, does whatever a Iron Man can

I finally saw "Iron Man" last night and get this -- I actually enjoyed it.   It wasn't perfect, but how many movies are? (0k "Star Trek 2" and the original "Planet of the Apes"do come to mind - ha)

Anyway, "Iron Man" has everything a good superhero movie should;  A decent script, cool special effects, good acting (Robert Downey, Jr.) and most importantly an over-the-top villain (Jeff Bridges).   I'm a little miffed though because I heard there was a scene at end of the credits featuring an eyepatch-wearing Samual Jackson -- Why do I always miss that stuff?

Here's my one beef -- Why does every superhero movie feel the need to include a Transformers-like battle between the hero and the villain in the final act of the film.  It all started way back when Superman battled General Zod in "Superman II" and it's been snowballing ever since.  And it's always the same sequence.  

Check it out...

1.   Hero is outmatched by the villain who has acquired similar powers.                                          

2.  After some back and fourth, villain strikes a blow to the hero, knocking him to the ground.

3.  Hero lays wounded near death.

4.  Miraculously hero somehow regains strength, spots a weakness in the villain and wins in the end. 

Come on screenwriters, it's getting old.  Please try a little harder... it's called "Originality." 

Seacrest out!

Random Opinions...

After watching countless hours of TV over my lifetime, I've come to the conclusion that "M*A*S*H" was the greatest series ever produced.  

The writing, acting and even the sets on the first six seasons were top notch.   Nothing on TV today even compares.  No, not even "How I Met Your Mother."

I bet if William Shakespeare had lived in the 1970s, he would have been a "M*A*S*H" staff writer.

Late night musings....

Here's my two cents...  

-I haven't seen "Iron Man" yet, but probably will this week.  Did you ever notice that all the recent superhero movies have the same exact plot? 

-Why can't i zap past the Food Network's "Ace of Cakes."  It's dull as dust, but for some unknown reason I can't look away. 

-Why do all late-night talk show hosts sit behind desks, while daytime hosts prefer big fluffy couches and chairs -- shouldn't it be the other way around?  

-I saw Ricki Lake at a Border's book signing the other day and she looked totally different -- very soccer momish.

-I have no tolerance for Howie Mandel.